Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
