She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize