I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
