oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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