I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
