my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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