not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
