I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At least life still wants to fuck me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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