he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
