babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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