just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
