So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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