the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
as a side note pls kill me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
