She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
