Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
