Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize