Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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