i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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