I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
