if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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