Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize