You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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