he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
