either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
