wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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