theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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