so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
