Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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