His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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