Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
