so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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