We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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