she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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