So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
