Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
