I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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