I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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