I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
