there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
did i walk over a car last night?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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