Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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