that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
