And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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