Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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