Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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