in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
