I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
