RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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