You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
