I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
