that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
