I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
