What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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