there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didn't notice because vodka
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize