soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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