I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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