the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I still have a little drunk in my system
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
