You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
