the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
