dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
