i will never coherently bang her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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