I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
