Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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