How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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