i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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