I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
