It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
