Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
