What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His nipple licking is glorious
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